Librarian/Shambrarian Venn Diagram

To go with Ned’s “Great Library Stereotypometer“, which seems to be lacking one vital item, here’s a handy Venn Diagram…

venn

You may find it useful to copy the diagram out onto a small piece of card and keep about your person for reference purposes.

If you are a librarian and you meet a shambrarian:

  • DO ask questions such as “would you like some more cake?” and “what is your favourite cake anecdote?”
  • DO feel free to compliment the shambrarian if they are wearing a particularly witty t-shirt
  • DO NOT bore the shambrarian by talking about your recent holiday tour of “Ye Olde Gin Palaces of London Town” or by reciting verbatim your top 50 gin based cocktail recipes
  • DO NOT attempt to sexually arouse the shambrarian by showing them photographs of library porn (e.g. this, this, this or this)
  • UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you say “if all the librarians got together, we could easily index the entire web… probably using an index card based system”

If you are a shambrarian and you meet a librarian:

  • DO ask them questions such as “where is your closed stack1?” and “what is the Dewey classification for Chocolate Guinness Cake?”
  • DO feel free to compliment the librarian if you think that they have particularly nice cupcakes
  • DO NOT bore the librarian by showing them your Roy Tennant Fan Club membership card
  • DO NOT embarrass the librarian by asking them if “colon classification” means what you think it means
  • DO NOT attempt to sexually arouse the librarian by showing them photographs of shambrarian porn (e.g. this, this, this or this)
  • UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you say “Google Scholar is much better than that *very* expensive product your library just bought”

1 The “closed stack” is where librarians store their cakes and usually has a “NO ENTRY — LIBRARIANS ONLY” sign on the door. If the librarian does not have enough room in their office, the closed stack may also be used to house the library’s gin distillery.

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24 comments
  1. Emma said:

    As a beer-swilling, curry-devouring, non-gin-drinking qualified librarian, this is giving me serious ontological anxiety.

  2. Paul S. said:

    Rather than concentrating on what divides lib from sham, we should rejoice in what unites us. In *brarian porn terms: this, this, this and this. Shambrarians! Librarians! Let cake be the cake that brings us together!

  3. Ah, but you do bandy about phrases like ‘ontological anxiety’…

  4. Dave Pattern said:

    Potter: Roy’s a godlike colossus, striding across libraryland, and he can drink whatever he likes ;-P

  5. Dave Pattern said:

    Emma, I think Julian’s mind has been warped by the gins and he was suffering the dreaded #GinRage 😀

  6. Terry Bucknell said:

    I nearly wept at the sight of the ZX Spectrum manual. Happy days. And I hate gin. My wife will be so relieved to hear that I’m not a librarian after all.

  7. I’m happy with gin or beer. Or even a Dog’s Nose. But cake leaves me cold. I am now completely unsure of my place in the world.

    On the other hand, I’m more of a sharchivist than a shambrarian. That might explain it.

  8. I have a fan club? Also, “godlike collosus” is over-stating it a bit. I’m really only about 5′ 12″.

  9. Dave Pattern said:

    Roy: Yes, the fan club is run by Julian Cheal and myself. I believe Julian’s currently working on weaving a new type of tweed on his loom, which he’s going to name “Tennant Tweed” in your honour.

  10. Dave: I’d offer to wear it, but I just don’t carry the tweed as well as Julian does.

  11. Lilian said:

    Love this. Glad cake is the common factor – as it should be! 🙂 I’m a librarian and I like gin (and beer, a bit) but I like cake more!

  12. Oh dear – I like wine and cider – perhaps I should reconsider my career plans

  13. Ed Chamberlain said:

    Feeling confused Dave. Despite a Library MA I seem to spend all my days hacking Perl scripts. I like Ale, but not Gin. Where does a Cat obsession fit in?

  14. Dave Pattern said:

    Ed: I’d recommend an expensive course of therapy a.s.a.p. You’re clealy inhabit a weird limbo world inbetween 😀

  15. Chris Keene said:

    Cheal is a Librarian. I knew it!

  16. Dave Pattern said:

    Perhaps we have to invent a whole new catagory for Julian? Maybe he’s a Tweebrarian or a Tweek?

  17. I like wine and cider and cats, and consider myself an ‘omnibrarian’ (copyright me). I’ll cat & class the rest of the world but won’t be cat & class’d myself 🙂

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